What I Watched In 2008: A Year In Review(s)

Originally posted at What I've Been Watching on February 15, 2009. Edited only for spelling, not content.

It's that time of year again when all us bloggers tell everyone what we thought about the last 365 days whether you want to hear about it or not. Well...it was that time a little over a month ago anyway, but at long last, here it is: my 2008 end of the year post. Yeah, I know it's early February '09, but that's okay. The lateness of this post just means that I've had a chance to catch up on some of the '08 movies that I hadn't gotten the opportunity to see before the end of the year. I already did a Top 10 Movies of the Year list on The Sidetracked Podcast a few weeks ago, but the one I've compiled here will be a different, updated version of that list since, as I mentioned, I've now seen more movies from 2008 than I had when I formed that incarnation of my Top Ten. So what say we look at some stats and then move onto the lists? I say lists because in addition to my Top 10 and Bottom 10 of the year, I've also listed the movies from 2008 that I still need to catch up with as well as a comprehensive catalog of every 2008 release I've seen as of this writing. And away we go.

Total number of movies released in 2008 that I have seen as of the writing of this post: 82

Total number of movies released in 2008 which I saw in the theater: 33

Total number of times I went to the theater between January 1, 2008 and December 31, 2008: 37

Approximate amount of money I spent at the theater in 2008 (based on a price of $10/ticket): $370.00

THE BEST OF 2008

10. Rambo
In my opinion, this is the best film in the Rambo/First Blood franchise. This movie knew exactly what it wanted to be and didn't try to hide that fact. It was bloody and violent as hell with plenty of "holy shit" moments, and didn't include a single scene that wasn't necessary to further the plot. It's also short and to the point, which action movies shouldn't (but often seem to) be afraid to be. Stallone proves that he's got what it takes to work behind the camera, and he's still physically and emotionally capable in front of the lens as well. Rambo is an example of clear and concise film making, and although it's very brooding and grotesque, I feel like I could pop it in and watch it anytime because it zips by at 92 minutes and never loses my interest for an instant.

9. Pride & Glory
Based on the trailers, I was expecting this to be the standard Hollywood cop film. Not so. The best word I can think of to describe this movie is "epic". And I don't mean the modern "Epic Fail/Epic Win" internet variety of epic, either. I mean it in the textbook sense: "noting or pertaining to a long poetic composition, usually centered upon a hero, in which a series of great achievements or events is narrated in elevated style". Edward Norton is the best he's been since Fight Club, Colin Farrell puts in one of the only truly impressive performances of his career as far as I'm concerned (another being this year's In Bruges), Jon Voight is better than he has been in years, and director Gavin O'Connor has gotten me wondering where he's been all my life. This film is brutally intense with a great mystery and several expertly woven plotlines. I can't wait to see it again, but a week and a half later I'm still reeling from my first viewing.

8. Slumdog Millionaire
I went into this film without a clear idea of what I was going to see, basically just swept up by the positive hype it was getting. The reason for this is likely that while amazing, Slumdog Millionaire's plot is nearly impossible to explain to someone without either ruining the suspense or making absolutely no sense whatsoever. Suffice to say that Danny Boyle has made a movie unlike any other I've seen and I'd love to see more films like it. Easily one of the most heartwarming movies I've ever laid eyes on, Slumdog Millionaire knows how to play to the viewer's emotions in all the right ways, leaving you completely satisfied and in awe upon exiting the theater or turning off your DVD player. Not to mention, it has some of the best child actors I've ever had the pleasure of watching.

7. Cloverfield
When it comes to unsubstantiated hype, Cloverfield takes the cake. This movie was being hailed as a must-see based on rumors alone, and against all odds it managed to deliver on that hype in a big way. Some would call Cloverfield a giant monster film in the vein of Godzilla, but I'd call it a dramatic adventure which takes place in the vicinity of a giant monster. The creature in Cloverfield is far from the main focus, though it does drive the majority of the plot due to it's mere existence. As such, the task of entertaining the audiences who came into film expecting a series of high-flying monster battles falls upon the shoulders of a few young no-name actors and the sheer quality of the script with which they were working. Both succeed in spades and make for a film that, much to my surprise, stands up 100% to repeat viewings. Don't fret though, if you're looking for a badass creature feature, there are certainly worse places to look.

6. Iron Man
Iron Man has always been one of the most obvious choices for a big name superhero worth bringing to the big screen in my opinion, based purely on the fact that his story is more centered around technological sci-fi than it is absurdist sci-fi/fantasy. Apparently Jon Favreau agreed with me completely, and made a high-tech action film that, surprisingly, was very sparse when it came to the action. With so little combat onscreen, Marvel opted for Iron Man to live or die based on it's characters, and really all you need to know is a name: Robert Downey Jr. As Tony Stark, Downey Jr. created an actor/character marriage that I would have never thought of in a million years, and which almost sells the movie on it's own. This is not to say, however, that there is nothing visually worthy in Iron Man, though. Far from it. The effects are incredible whether Stark is battling other characters in giant armored suits or just fiddling around in his basement workshop. While there have certainly been better movies based on comic books, Iron Man is probably the best superhero movie since the Spiderman series.

5. Eagle Eye
How do movies like National Treasure and National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets earn 350 and 470 million dollars respectively and Eagle Eye can hardly break 175? While I despise the former and love the latter, I am willing to admit that they're somewhat similar movies. Both are entirely preposterous in premise, but what National Treasure lacks in noteworthy performances and originality, Eagle Eye delivers en masse. I am totally willing to admit that Eagle Eye's plot and premise are ridiculous, but they do make for one hell of a fun action jaunt. Shia LaBeouf proves once more why I find him to be such a likable, charismatic character actor, Michelle Monaghan gives the most noteworthy performance of her career thus far in my opinion, and Billy Bob Thornton shows once more that he knows how to ham it up in service of the film rather than his ego. D.J. Caruso and Shia LaBeouf, the duo behind 2007's equally fun and mindless romp Disturbia, have done it again.

4. Jumper
Don't believe what you've heard about Jumper. Unless, that is, you've heard that it's a good film, though I seriously doubt you've heard that. Superhero movies are all well and good, but as a comic book reader it was really exciting to see one coming out based on characters I wasn't familiar with. Based on a novel rather than a comic, Jumper took me completely by surprise with it's amazingly original take on a concept as passe among the spandex-clad crowd as teleportation. Hayden Christiansen impressed me here for the first time since Shattered Glass and Samuel L. Jackson once again proves why he's so great at playing characters you love to hate. I won't claim that Jumper is the second coming of the science fiction film, but there are some very cool sci-fi concepts at work here which are expertly countered by the properly executed, fast-paced, shaky camera work of the man who originally perfected that style of action in The Bourne Identity: Doug Liman. I simply can't help but have a smile on my face just about the entire time I'm watching this film, and for that reason it was one of my favorite movies of 2008.

3. Wall-E
Right from the beginning I've loved Pixar. I saw Toy Story in the theater and with just about every subsequent release of one of their films I've wrestled with myself as to whether it were actually better than each of their previous titles or not. Wall-E is no exception. I'm so in awe of this film that I don't know where to begin talking it up because everything about it is great. I guess it's most obvious just to say that the film is beautiful. No one can dispute that. Even if you somehow don't like Pixar's films, you cannot deny that each and every one of their movies raises the bar as far as the eye candy is concerned. In regards to the story, the main thing that Pixar constantly provides which accounts for a lot of why I enjoy their films so much is that the stories, for what are usually considered children's movies, are smart, well thought out, and not dumbed down in any way just to be suitable for kids. They've repeatedly found the perfect balance between what will entertain and delight a child and what will captivate and speak to adults. This is perhaps true moreso of Wall-E than any of Pixar's other films to date, because by the end of this film I was so wrapped up in the plight of the little robot at the center of the plot that I came close to tears. There are plenty of other aspects of Wall-E that I could go into in describing why this movie made it onto, and in fact ranks so high on, this list, but honestly It was probably enough to simply say that it was made by Pixar.

2. The Dark Knight
Well what is there to say about The Dark Knight that hasn't already been said, really? It's a great movie. As a non-Batman fan, this film is just about as good as it can get. While I admit that the movie isn't perfect, it is a spectacle to behold. Much like Pride & Glory, which I reviewed farther down this list, The Dark Knight is best described as an epic. Bruce Wayne's world is flipped upside down during the course of this film and we, the audience, are helpless but to sit, glued to our seats, as some of the best writing, directing, and acting yet to come out of a superhero movie plays out before our widened eyes. Everything else about this film takes a back seat to Heath Ledger's performance, though. Believe the hype. Ledger is mystifying to watch. I think that the perfect combination of wardrobe and make-up, ingenuity, great writing, and mystery all added up to what was probably the best performance of the year. I say mystery because, like myself, I think that a lot of people just didn't know what to expect from The Joker. Not only because Christopher Nolan and company created their own unique vision of the character, but because whether or not you liked Heath Ledger before seeing The Dark Knight, or even knew who he was for that matter, I doubt that there's a person on the planet who could have predicted what he was going to (and indeed capable of) bring(ing) to the table. There are plenty of aspects of The Dark Knight which I'm skipping over here, Aaron Eckhart's performance being one of the more notable ones, but if I were pressed to suggest one reason to go watch The Dark Knight, based on this review I think you know what that one thing would be. And it's almost single-handedly the reason that the film lies so high on this list.

1. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
The best movie of the year. Sometimes this decision is as easy as leaving the theater happy (i.e. my choice of Grind House last year). Sometimes however, it takes a bit more thought than that. I did love The Curious Case of Benjamin Button immediately, but while it is visually amazing, expertly directed, beautifully written, and full of inspired acting, it is still somehow the most reserved film on this list. It's one of only three (what I would call) straight dramas on my Top 10, and of those three it is decidedly less in your face than the others. I think that's why this decision took so much thought. Could such a stoic, sentimental film really be more epic than the The Dark Knight? Could it really be more heart-warming than Wall-E? Could it honestly leave me more delighted than I was exiting my screening of Jumper? Yes, yes, and yes. It would be pretty bold to call this film flawless, but it's certainly closer to deserving that distinction than any of the other films I saw this year, which is why it made #1 on this list. David Fincher still hasn't made a bad film in opinion, which is a bit surprising considering that he took an astonishing leap away from his comfort zone of the highly stylized thriller with Benjamin Button. I'm no longer sure that I can truly define what a "David Fincher movie" is, and that's very exciting. I have no idea what he'll do next or what his take on his next subject will be, but one thing's for sure: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button set the bar high for not only Fincher's upcoming projects, but every theatrical release of the foreseeable future as well.

Runners-Up (in alphabetical order)

The Bank Job

Gran Torino

In Bruges

Taken

The Wrestler


THE WORST OF 2008

10. Hancock
Good premise, poor execution. Somebody over-thought this plot a little bit. The first half of the movie isn't gold, but it's fun. The second half, seemingly written by a different (and incompetent) writer altogether, is way too bogged down by poor plot development, a weak, over-complicated concept, and an ill-informed decision on someone's behalf that the film needed some extra, unnecessary action.

9. Step Brothers
Will Ferrell can only shout in that oafish "I think I know what I'm talking about, but I'm really a bewildered idiot" voice so many times before I become tired of it. When you add John C. Reilly simply aping that very same character back at him, you've essentially got an imbecile blurting non sequiturs at himself in the mirror. Maybe I'd have liked this movie a few years ago before I'd seen the same type of film from Ferrell so many times, but I was bored and annoyed by it more than anything.

8. The Love Guru
Take a movie that was original and funny a decade ago, change it slightly because you have no new ideas, and pray to God that it still works. Fail.

7. Starship Troopers 3: Marauder
Completely changing the plot and tone of the franchise for the first sequel didn't work like it did for Aliens, so why not just try to clone the original movie for this one? Oh, wait...horrible acting, writing, and special effects? This film's tagline should have been "No budget? No problem!"

6. Joyride 2: Dead Ahead
Most horror movie franchises begin with a somewhat original, suspenseful, and entertaining first film and quickly devolve into a repetitive, faceless, blood-soaked mess. Often this occurs as as early as the second installment of the series. Why should Joyride be any different?

5. Punisher: War Zone
Over the top violence and gore needs to be either accompanied by a good, meaningful story or completely devoid of any noteworthy plot to bog it down. Punisher: War Zone fits snugly into the large gray area between those two extremes. It's story is far from perfect, but tries it's best to be something it's not. Also, a parkour runner is disintegrated by a rocket during mid-rooftop-to-rooftop jump. Need I say more?

4. The Eye
The Ring had Naomi Watts. Even The Grudge had Sarah Michelle Gellar. The Eye has Jessica Alba. Who should we get to play our blind, emotional lead? Probably the most beautiful, yet worst actress we can get our hands on. Even if someone of Naomi Watts' caliber had been in this though, it still would have been boring as shit.

3. Righteous Kill
Neither Robert DeNiro nor Al Pacino have been very good in the past ten years or so in my opinion. However, I'm willing to bet that if this movie were made in the 70's or early eighties when both of those guys were in their prime and it had been directed by Martin Scorcese, this script still wouldn't come close to being able to inspire a passable film. What a terrible, terrible waste of talent and money.

2. Max Payne
For a movie based on a video game, the point of which is entirely centered around shooting every single character you see onscreen, Max Payne somehow managed to have less action than Air Bud. It should be illegal to make movies this bad.

1. Feast 2: Sloppy Seconds
This film is the definition of the term "fall from grace". Along with The Mist, Cloverfield, The Host, and Slither, I would include the original Feast among the very short list of the best monster movies made since the turn of the millennium. Admittedly, that's a pretty high bar for a horror sequel to live up to, but if I were to type out everything that was wrong with this movie here I would probably break the internet. Suffice to say that if you respect me, yourself, or the art of film at all, you will quietly look away whenever this film catches your eye and pray nightly to whichever god you believe in to strike down everyone involved with the production of Feast 2: Sloppy Seconds in the most painful and disgraceful way imaginable.

Runners-Up (in alphabetical order)

Baby Mama

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Midnight Meat Train

Pathology

The Strangers


MOVIES FROM 2008 WHICH I STILL WANT TO SEE
Titles marked with a "*" are those which I have managed to catch up with since the original post.
4 Months, 3 Weeks, 2 Days
Frost/Nixon*
JCVD*
Let The Right One In*
Milk*
Quarantine*
REC*
Sukiyaki Western Django*
Visioneers*
W.*


THE UNABRIDGED WHAT I WATCHED IN 2008

- Movies I saw in the theater
- Movies I downloaded or watched on DVD
- Movies that came out Direct To DVD (more or less)
- Movies I saw in IMAX
- Movies I saw in the theater twice
- Movies from 2008 which I didn't see until 2009


The Bank Job
Cloverfield
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
The Dark Knight
Eagle Eye
Gran Torino
In Bruges
Iron Man
Jumper
Lakeview Terrace
Pride & Glory
Rambo
Slumdog Millionaire
Taken
Wall-E
The Wrestler


Bangkok Dangerous
Be Kind, Rewind
Burn After Reading
Chocolate
CJ7
The Day The Earth Stood Still
The Forbidden Kingdom
Futurama: The Beast With A Billion Backs
Futurama: Bender's Game
Get Smart
The Incredible Hulk
Kung-Fu Panda
Mirrors
The Promotion
Quantum Of Solace
RocknRolla
The Ruins
Speed Racer
Stuck
Teeth
Tropic Thunder
Zack & Miri Make A Porno


21
10,000 B.C.
Batman: Gotham Knight
Blindness
Choke
Drillbit Taylor
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Ghost Town
Hellboy II: The Golden Army
How To Lose Friends And Alienate People
Pineapple Express
Role Models
Run, Fat Boy, Run
Semi-Pro
The Signal
Splinter
Street Kings
Valkyrie
Vantage Point
Wanted
You Don't Mess With The Zohan


Baby Mama
Babylon A.D.
Dead Space: Downfall
Death Race
Doomsday
Hancock
The Happening
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Man On Wire
Midnight Meat Train
Pathology
Step Brothers
The Strangers
Untraceable
X-Files: I Want To Believe


The Eye
Feast II: Sloppy Seconds
Joyride 2: Dead Ahead
The Love Guru
Max Payne
Punisher: War Zone
Righteous Kill
Starship Troopers 3: Marauder

Click Here to read my Top 10 Movies of 2007.

***All of the information in this post is only accurate through February 15, 2009, after which time my opinions may change due to subsequent viewings.

What I Watched In 2007: A Year In Review(s)

Originally posted at What I've Been Watching on December 29, 2007. Edited only for spelling, not content.

Of the hundreds of movies released in 2007, I saw a total of 25 films in the theater (one of which I saw twice). In addition to those, I rented 14 more 2007 movies, downloaded 7 others from the internet, and bought one new direct to DVD release this year. Overall that means that in 2007 I saw 47 of the year's numerous and varied films. While I have yet to see every movie I wanted to this year, and have come nowhere close to seeing them all, it is customary among both film critics and the blog-o-sphere in general to compile a list of the best and worst movies of the year. So that's exactly what I've done.

Without further ado, I give you the official What I've Been Watching's Best & Worst Films of 2007:

THE BEST OF 2007

10. Futurama: Bender's Big Score
This was not a theatrical release, which would probably count it out of the running for most peoples' "Best Of" list, but when you get right down to it, Bender's Big Score was simply better than most of the movies that actually played in theaters this year. I've been a fan of Futurama from it's days on syndicated television and ever since the show was cancelled after it's fourth year I have pined for more. Bender's Big Score not only brings back all of the characters that I loved from the show, but it continues Futurama's history of combining, beautiful visuals, hilarious laughs, and interesting concepts. It's like the show never went away.

9. 3:10 To Yuma
The western genre largely died out in the seventies, giving way to an insurgence of science fiction and action movies in the wake of films like Star Wars and Dirty Harry. With as little interest in cowboys as there seems to be in today's high tech world, when a western comes along these days that is as well-made, well-acted, and exciting as 3:10 To Yuma, the world tends to take notice. If you've heard a lot of people talking about how great 3:10 To Yuma is, there's a reason for it: because it's true.

8. Zodiac
David Fincher has been my favorite director for several years now, and there's a reason for that. Every time he directs a movie it is both thought-provoking, beautiful, and enthralling to watch. Even after a five year wait, Zodiac is no exception to this rule. Some movie-goers point their fingers readily at Zodiac's running time when asked why they didn't like the film, but my feeling is that if a story needs more than two hours to be told, who's to stop a movie from telling it properly? After all, it's not about how long a movie is, it's about the quality, and I'd be hard-pressed to name a Fincher film that didn't serve up plenty of it.

7. The Host
Simultaneously a heart wrenching drama, a bellow inducing comedy, and a fear inducing horror film, The Host quite literally has something for everyone. There are so many things to praise this film for that I hardly know where to begin. The design of the movie's monster is amazing, and while the special effects aren't always perfect, the intricacies of it's character will win you over immediately. The story is told magnificently, the visual style is nothing short of amazing, and the way it juggles so many different genres while remaining a solid piece of filmmaking are proof positive that The Host belongs on anyone's list of the best movies of 2007.

6. Ratatouille
Even the most generic and dull titles in Pixar's library of computer animated movies are still some of the best examples of the CG corner of the film industry, so when the story matches the incredible quality of the studio's patented amazing visuals, the recipe is one of success. Perhaps the best of all of Pixar's movies, and most definitely the best looking, Ratatouille is yet another triumph for not only the animation company, but writer/director Brad Bird. Full of laughs, drama, and suspense, Ratatouille is quite literally fun for the whole family.

5. Spiderman 3
Verbally pummeled by the masses and proclaimed an embarrassment to the franchise by millions of former fans, Spiderman 3 has been the subject of more debates in 2007 than perhaps any other single film. While I would agree that Spiderman 3 is a weaker film than both of the previous installments of the series, that by no means should suggest that it is a bad film. With just as much (if not more) action and laughs as Spiderman and Spiderman 2, the third episode of the current Spiderman trilogy is not a perfect film, but despite the few holes in it's plot it manages to far surpass the majority of the other films released this year...at least in my eyes.

4. Superbad
The reason that I loved Superbad so much has nothing to do with Judd Apatow or any of his previous successes and everything to do with it's story and it's stars. The script captures perfectly what a large percentage of high school males are like, right down to the filthy, degrading language that so many viewers were apparently turned off by. Translating the script into onscreen gold are two of the film industry's most promising up-and-coming comedic talents and a cavalcade of hilarious supporting characters. All of the specifics aside though, the reason that Superbad is among my favorite films of 2007 is that it made me laugh harder and more frequently than any movie has in a long, long time.

3. The Mist
Put simply, The Mist is a textbook example of what a horror and/or monster movie should be. Too many films in these genres these days rely on shock value, violence, and gore to get their audiences' attention, when they should be taking a page out of Stephen King's book (literally). Balancing the gore with suspense and the horror with drama, The Mist creates an atmosphere so unforgiving that one can easily forget that they're watching a movie. As a huge fan of monster movies, the sheer joy that I got out of watching the events of The Mist unfold cemented it's place in my list of the best films of 2007.

2. No Country For Old Men
The moment I heard that the writing and directing team behind Fargo and Blood Simple were producing a new crime drama, No Country For Old Men had already taken a few steps toward my best of 2007 list. Not only is this film excellently paced, superbly acted, masterfully directed, and flat-out gorgeous; it's also smart. There is something so rewarding about watching an intelligent film, especially in the crime genre, and No Country For Old Men delivers on this claim in spades. Movies like No Country For Old Men are what the feature film medium was invented for.

1. Grind House
I would have been sold after hearing Quentin Tarantino's name. Add all of the other names attached to this project and it's kind of hard to ignore it. I'm sure that I'll get flak from people for naming this the best film of 2007, considering that in reality it is actually two movies instead of one, but to those people I say, "I paid for one movie when I went to the theater to see Grind House." I've been asked numerous times by numerous people whether I preferred Death Proof or Planet Terror, but I say this as honestly and straight forward as I can: I liked them both equally. They are very different from one another and each have their own strengths and weaknesses, but all taken into account, they're just two halves of one incredible whole called Grind House and that's the way I will always think of this movie. For this reason, Grind House was my favorite film released in 2007.

Runners-Up (in alphabetical order)

Disturbia

Hot Fuzz

I Am Legend

Rescue Dawn

Sweeney Todd


THE WORST OF 2007

10. Mr. Brooks
What I had hoped would be a thought-provoking look at the modern day serial killer instead turned into a stereotypical, overdone, flashy piece of crap. Demi Moore stunk up the screen and neither Dane Cook, Kevin Costner, nor William Hurt could do anything to save Mr. Brooks, nor did they particularly seem to want to.

9. The Number 23
Had this film not followed the "How To Pull Off A Twist Ending The Fight Club Way" handbook like every other suspense thriller these days seems to, The Number 23 could have been a great, intriguing film. Jim Carrey is great up until the ending, as is everything else about The Number 23, including the story. Unfortunately somewhere along the way a crucial decision involving the plot was apparently left in the hands of a moron with no ideas of his/her own.

8. Next
Strike one: Nicolas Cage is the star of this film. Strike two: Lee Tamahori directed it. Strike three: someone tried to adapt Philip K. Dick's short story The Golden Man into an action movie. There really isn't a single part of Next that could come close to redeeming it other than Jessica Biel's ass. It's kind of hard to focus on it when Nic Cage is in the room mumbling his way through a script as bad as this one, though.

7. Blades of Glory
Take two genuinely funny actors, get them together in a room with silly outfits on, and then bend over and literally shit the most generic script possible out of your ass for them to act out. What really makes a film worth watching is when it tries to achieve something new and interesting. With that in mind it's really no surprise that Blades of Glory was so terrible.

6. Vacancy
As is the case with literally every single one of the titles in my list of the worst films of 2007, Vacancy suffers most from the fact that it is nothing more than a cheap attempt at capitalizing on something similar that was popular once. There are at least twenty or thirty films about people being chased by murderers that are better than this one.

5. The Hills Have Eyes II
Who should we get to play the hardcore military personnel in our action/horror movie? The most unrealistically beautiful people we can find regardless of their ability to deliver an even remotely believable line of dialogue? Great idea! There's just nothing new here. I'm running out of things to say about these piece of shit movies. They're all the same, and THAT's the problem!

4. The Reaping
If you want to know why this movie is so bad, just watch it and count the stereotypes. If I knew you could make money selling unoriginal scripts like this to movie studios, I would just write one movie about a demonic child and print out fifty different copies with the characters' names changed on each one and make millions.

3. Pathfinder
Unlike several of the movies in my worst films of 2007 list, Pathfinder actually looked like it could have been a good film. Native Americans versus vikings in the dark ages? That could be good. Considering the quality of films like Braveheart and Apocalypto, there's no reason why I shouldn't have suspected prior to it's release that Pathfinder could have been a good movie. Of course, I didn't know who Karl Urban was at the time.

2. Ghost Rider
Nicolas Cage turns into a skeleton, catches on fire, and rides a motorcycle up the sides of skyscrapers brandishing a chain and a leather jacket to battle demons. Need I say more? Well, if you insist: it's directed by the guy responsible for Daredevil.

1. Shoot 'Em Up
I went into the screening of Shoot 'Em Up that I saw with really high expectations, and really, why shouldn't I have? We're talking about a movie starring Clive Owen as a guy who shoots tons of bad guys while protecting an infant from the evil Paul Giamatti. Really the only thing this movie needed to please me were good special effects and a passable story. Could the filmmakers be bothered to provide me with either of those things? Not a chance. The action looks terrible and the story is complete bullshit. I'd rather watch a movie with no plot than sit through that of Shoot 'Em Up again. With such a simple set of parameters to provide me, the consumer, with an enjoyable movie-going experience, the extraordinary cinematic failure of Shoot 'Em Up is simply insulting. Worst movie I saw in 2007, hands down.

Runners-Up (in alphabetical order)

Shooter

The Simpsons Movie

Smokin' Aces

TMNT

Transformers


So there you have it. Everyone's list is bound to be different, so I'd love to hear how some other people would rank the movies they saw in 2007. Feel free to leave me a comment on this post to list off a few of your own personal best or worst films of the year or just to discuss some of my choices. Before you go berating me for leaving something crucial off of my lineup though, check out the following list which includes all of the films released in 2007 that I saw this year, but which didn't make it into either of my top tens.

Other 2007 Films that weren't the Best or Worst:

28 Weeks Later
30 Days of Night
300
1408
Bee Movie
Black Sheep
Breach
Bug
The Condemned
Death Sentence
Fracture
Good Luck Chuck
Jackass 2.5
Knocked Up
Live Free or Die Hard
The Lookout
Sicko


***All of the information in this post is only accurate through December 29, 2007, after which time my opinions may change due to subsequent viewings.

R.I.P. Dan O'Bannon (1946 - 2009)

Dan O'Bannon died yesterday (December 17, 2009) at the age of 63. A lot of people probably don't recognize that name, so for the sake of clarity, this is Dan O'Bannon:


If it wasn't for him, we wouldn't have this:


Or this:


Or these:




Dan O'Bannon didn't design any of those visuals, but he did write the scripts for the movies for which they were created. Most importantly, he created the Alien. To bring that vision to life he collaborated with co-writer Ronald Shussett, sculptor H.R. Giger, director Ridley Scott, and producers David Giler, Walter Hill, and Gordon Carroll, but at the end of the day none of those great minds would have come together if it weren't for O'Bannon sitting down and attempting to write a science fiction horror script originally titled "Star Beast".

This is going to sound really nerdy, but if you know me well enough it'll probably make complete sense. While I may not talk about Dan O'Bannon all the time or have photos of him plastered on my walls, if you think about it, he's probably been one of the most important figures in my life because Alien has been such a major part of my life. I'm not just talking about the fact that I love to watch the movies, though I do love to do that. Alien and Aliens have been a big source of inspiration for me. Because of those movies I began reading comic books in the mid 90's. Because I began reading Aliens comics I decided that I wanted to draw comic books, which in turn is why I went to the Joe Kubert School of Cartoon and Graphic Art after I graduated high school.

Aliens is my favorite movie of all time. And it isn't just my favorite movie in the way that my father would say Dances With Wolves is his favorite movie. My dad doesn't have Kevin Costner figurines adorning every flat surface of his bedroom. He doesn't have books about indian tribes and t-shirts with wolves all over them. I surround myself with Aliens. I have toys, posters, books, magazines, comic books, and all other manner of assorted memorabilia based on those movies scattered about my living space. I wouldn't use the word "obsession", though it probably applies. I am just so caught up in the world of Aliens that it's not just "my favorite movie". It's more like "my favorite thing".

And it all comes back to Dan O'Bannon. I think I watch the Alien documentary on the Quadrilogy more often than I watch Alien itself, partially because of this guy’s interviews. When he starts to break down toward the end when he’s talking about how his little "B" horror movie did the near-impossible and became a massive success, that’s some pretty powerful stuff. He may come across a little crass and very opinionated, but he's the guy you root for. The little guy.

Despite the success of Alien and some other noteworthy film projects along the way including Total Recall, Blue Thunder, and Return Of The Living Dead (which O'Bannon also directed), it seems that Dan remained the "little guy" for the duration of his career. I think that's why more people don't know his name, because he seemed to always be the outspoken guy in the background with the really good ideas who rarely got any of the credit. In summary, I guess that's what this post is about: giving Dan O'Bannon the credit that he so rightfully deserves.

R.I.P. Dan.

Kane Hodder Is Fucking Dead (2002-2009)

The title of this post comes from the MySpace page of one of my favorite bands of the last few years, not the obituary of the actor known for playing Jason Vorhees in the Friday The 13th movies. Though as you probably could have guessed, and as you can see from the poster advertising their two final shows, those movies were the inspiration behind the band's name:

(click images to enlarge)

I'm not very useful in a discussion about music and can rarely describe why I like a song, album, or artist in any more detail than to simply say "I like the way that sounds", so I won't bother going into the specific merits of Kane Hodder's music other than to say that I REALLY like the way they sound(ed).

I first discovered Kane Hodder when they were signed to Fueled By Ramen in 2005 and bought their CD "The Pleasure To Remain So Heartless" on the day that it was re-released on that label (having previously come out a year prior on Suburban Home/Cowboy Versus Sailor). The funny thing is that at the time I didn't know that the album had seen a previous release, so I ended up buying the original version with different album art (which I actually prefer) instead of the FBR release that came out that day.


Back then I was a big fan of Fueled By Ramen and their artists, and while I still appreciate most of the music I was into then, I've since lost most of my interest in bands like Fall Out Boy, Panic! At The Disco, The Academy Is..., and Gym Class Heroes. Whether it was my own personal taste in music that changed or the bands themselves (which seems to generally be the case), most of them don't excite me the way they used to. However through it all, "The Pleasure To Remain So Heartless" has remained one of my most listened to albums of the past 5 years and is easily one of my favorites of all time.

Honestly, Kane Hodder doesn't have as much music out there as any of the other bands that I mentioned, but over the course of 8 years, 2 EPs, and 1 LP, their sound hasn't changed very drastically at all. Some would surely say that's not something to praise, but considering that so many new bands that I discover disappoint me by leaving behind the sound that I initially loved them for in subsequent releases, it is an attribute of Kane Hodder that I cherish.


Not long after I became a fan, Kane Hodder began recording a sporadically updated podcast which I began listening to regularly. Through not only hearing the members of the band bullshit about what music and movies they were into, but also by writing in to the show and having them reply to a number of my questions and comments "on the air", I feel like I got to know and appreciate vocalist Andrew Moore and the other guys more than I have any other band over the years.






The final episode of the podcast (episode 31) was released on iTunes on September 10th, 2008, and since then the podcast's blog and the band's website have both disappeared from the web. When I started noticing these disappearances and cancellations around the internet I began to worry, but finding out any information about a little known band with the same name as a famous actor is nearly impossible, even on search engines like Google. My fears were finally made tangible a little over a week ago when I visited Kane Hodder's MySpace page and saw the headline which I appropriated for this post's title.

It sucks that the band is breaking up, but perhaps moreso that I never got to see them perform live. I don't think they ever toured far from their homes in Washington state (see: the opposite side of the country from me), even during their brief time on a fairly major label. I suppose I'll always have their existing albums to listen to though, and if I haven't gotten tired of them yet despite how frequently I play them, I doubt that I will any time soon.

One thing's for sure though: I'll be keeping a watchful eye on Andrew's MySpace page in hopes of hearing about any new projects that he may work on in the future.


In the event that I've piqued anyone's interest in Kane Hodder with this post, HERE is the link to a .ZIP file that I've prepared with a few noteworthy tracks from over the years which you can download for free, along with my musings on the chosen songs.

You can also visit Kane Hodder's YouTube Channel, where you can see live performance footage, clips of the band members just messing around, and the official videos for "I Think Patrick Swayze Is Sexy" and "Siberia 1908".

If you like what you hear (or see), you can purchase "A Frank Exploration Of Voyeurism And Violence" and "The Pleasure To Remain So Heartless" on Amazon.com or download the band's latest EP, "Through The Bloody Channels We Raise Our Sails", directly from iTunes.

R.I.P Kane Hodder

My Top 5 Man-Crushes

originally posted at What I've Been Watching on 2/25/09

"Man Crush: When a guy loves another guy dearly, but not queerly."

Every guy has them. I don't care how manly you think you are, there are either actors or characters they've portrayed who you've fallen head over heels for...in a completely hetero way. Dudes who are just too cool. You want to be their friend onscreen or offscreen or both. There are a ton of actors I like and preformances I've been impressed by, but these are the guys I wish I were elite enough to hang out with.

#5.) Kurt Russell



Where We First Met: Stargate

The Moment I Realized It Was True Love: As R.J. MacReady in John Carpenter's The Thing, Kurt devises a plan to test which of his fellow residents of an Antarctic research outpost are infected by alien DNA by placing a piece of heated copper wire into a sample of blood from each man. With his friends and co-workers tied to a couch, R.J. announces that as an act of good faith he will test his own blood first. Having heated the copper wire, and with the frightened, judging eyes of the other men glued firmly to him, R.J. hesitantly and worriedly pauses for a split second before testing his own fate.

Fondest Memories: John Carpenter's The Thing, Big Trouble In Little China, Death Proof, Breakdown


#4.) Shia Labeouf



Where We First Met: The Battle of Shaker Heights

The Moment I Realized It Was True Love: As Kale Brecht in Disturbia, Shia becomes jealous when Ashley, the girl he's got a major crush on, holds a loud party next door which he can't attend because he's under house arrest a few mere feet away. Kale tries to ignore the music and laughter from next door but eventually cracks under the pressure and peeks outside to see other guys obviously hitting on Ashley. Making a fool of himself by playing obnoxiously loud romantic music to drown out the noise of the party, Kale is confronted by an annoyed Ashley before giving an incredibly cheesy monologue about how he's been watching her through his windows since she moved in, which ranges from creepy to romantic, after which the music (Don't Make Me Wait by This World Fair) swells and the two characters finally kiss.

Fondest Memories: Disturbia, Eagle Eye, A Guide To Recognizing Your Saints


#3.) Joseph Gordon-Levitt



Where We First Met: 3rd Rock From The Sun

The Moment I Realized It Was True Love: As Brendan Frye in Brick, a crime noir about high school students, Joseph is trying to solve the mystery behind the recent murder of his ex-girlfriend whom he still very much loves. After sticking his nose a few places where it didn't belong, Brendan is confronted outside of his school by an adversary much larger than him. Choosing flight over fight, Brendan manages to get a brief lead on his attacker before rounding a corner, dropping to the floor, and removing his shoes so that his assailant won't hear him coming. Immediately he is back on his feet and rushing back toward the corner he'd just turned before using expert timing to slide out from behind said corner and trip his pursuer, who, for reasons you'll have to see the movie for yourself to discover, surely ends up wishing that he hadn't picked this particular fight.

Fondest Memories: Brick, The Lookout, (500) Days Of Summer


#2.) Clint Eastwood



Where We First Met: In The Line Of Fire

The Moment I Realized It Was True Love: As the man with no name in The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, Clint and a sometimes lovable, sometimes despicable outlaw named Tuco (who refers to him as Blondie) have somehow survived numerous run-ins with gunslingers, a full-on Civil War battle, and each other long enough to reach a cemetery where $200,000 worth of gold is rumored to be buried. With the only thing left for the men to do to claim the riches for their own being the act of digging up a specific grave, Blondie tosses Tuco a shovel. After Tuco asks why Blondie doesn't have a shovel of his own, he replies "You see, in this world there's two kinds of people, my friend: Those with loaded guns and those who dig." Pause for dramatic effect... "You dig."

Fondest Memories: A Fistful of Dollars, For A Few Dollars More, The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly, The Outlaw Josey Wales, Unforgiven, Dirty Harry, Gran Torino


#1.) Jackie Chan



Where We First Met: Rumble In The Bronx

The Moment I Realized It Was True Love: As Kevin (aka Jackie) Chan in Police Story, Jackie has pursued a powerful drug lord named Chu Tao, who has a grudge against him, to a shopping mall. After having a lengthy knock-down, drag-out fight with several worthy opponents up and down escalators, through store displays, and amongst a veritable sea of broken glass, Jackie is tired and weakened by his injuries. Just when things seem as though they couldn't get any worse, he looks down from a fourth story balcony to see that on the ground level below him, Chu Tao has taken Jackie's girlfriend May hostage. Enraged beyond caring for his own personal well-being, Jackie leaps off of the balcony, sliding down a four story metal pole covered with decorative lights which shatter one after another as he rapidly approaches the floor below. At the bottom, Jackie quickly chases down Chu Tao, who lets May go out of fear. Despite the pleas of Chu Tao's lawyer and his own police chief, Jackie cannot restrain himself any longer and, in one of the most visceral scenes I've ever seen in a movie, gives Chu Tao the truly epic beating that he deserves.

Fondest Memories: Police Story, Police Story 2, Supercop, Rumble In The Bronx, Drunken Master, Legend of Drunken Master, Dragon Lord, The Young Master, Project A, Project A2, Armour of God (aka Operation Condor 2), Armour of God II (aka Operation Condor), Jackie Chan's First Strike


Honorable Mention: James Van Der Beek
as Sean Bateman in The Rules Of Attraction



"Rock and roll..."

7 Batman Comics That I Love

I don't really care for Batman. Never have. He's just not my cup of tea.

Because of that fact, it takes a lot for me to like a Batman comic. Honestly I haven't read a whole lot of them. Not nearly as many, I'd presume, as most avid comic readers anyway. You can't read as many comic books as I have, however, without making your way through a few issues dealing with the Dark Knight. So with that in mind here is a list, in no particular order, of seven Batman comics that I, as someone who is not a big fan of Batman, can still wholeheartedly recommend to Bat-fans and haters alike.

(click the images to enlarge)

Batman Year One
(originally published as Batman #404-407)
This is probably the most obvious choice on my list. I think that a lot of people respect Batman Year One, but as classic Bat-stories go I feel that it's way overshadowed by The Dark Knight Returns. This story is simple and innocent without being too overly dark or brooding, which is why it's my preferred Frank Miller Batman title. At the same time however, it's not some light-hearted superhero-ey romp. It's got a very serious tone, and is perhaps the most "realistic" take on Batman that I've ever read. Batman himself comes off very human in this story, which I like because he is, in fact, a human. It's a stupid fanboy-ish thing to do, but when major Bat-enthusiasts start claiming that just because he's smart Batman can beat any single character he's pitted against, I get annoyed. The reason for this being that when some degree of logic is applied to the debate, it's easy to see that there's no way Bats could really take on someone like Superman, no matter how many glowing green pebbles he possesses. Therein lies the charm of Batman Year One. Bats has trouble shaking a squad of mortal SWAT guys, which is a situation that I can actually buy his cunning wit and resourcefulness getting him out of.


Batman: Broken Nose
(originally published in Batman: Gotham Knights #3)
I came really close to putting Batman Year 100 on the list instead of this story. It's easy to imagine why, considering that Batman Year 100 is probably about 160 pages and Broken Nose is only 8, but while I've only read Year 100 once (though I do have fond memories of it), I've read Broken Nose at least a dozen times since I first acquired it in my copy of Batman Black & White Volume 2 about 6 years ago. This was back before I really knew who Paul Pope was, and before my artistic preferences had broadened enough to allow him access into my mind as an artist whose work will forever pique my interest. Still, something about this 8 page story grabbed my attention immediately upon reading it for the first time: Batman's costume. To this day Paul Pope's "warm-up suit" design for Bats, consisting of a sweat-suit, wrestling boots, and a realistic-looking leather cowl is my favorite Bat-costume design yet to make an appearance on the printed page. Lee Bermejo's design is a close second, but doesn't top this one.


Batman: The Scottish Connection
Some people love Frank Quitely's art and some people hate it. I belong to the former group rather than the latter. After I discovered Quitely's work on The Authority and New X-Men I embarked upon a quest which spanned from eBay to Midtown Comics in NYC in order to find every one of his works which I could get my hands on. It was at the aforementioned comic store right down the street from Times Square that I first wrapped my fingers around this piece of funny-book gold. I love the art of course, but the story matches Quitely's nuanced art on a rather comedic level that makes me grin just thinking about it. Bruce Wayne wears a kilt! I'm sure that most would consider Scottish Connection a throw-away Bat-tale, but it's one of my favorites because it's a quick, light-hearted read with several great action beats accompanied by Quitely's equally impressive art, rife with his trademark attention to spacial relations, layout, and detail, and a truly interesting main villain.


Batman/Aliens
This could very well be the first Batman comic I ever read. It's fairly well known to those with whom I'm acquainted that I began my comic book reading career with Dark Horse Comics' Aliens and Predator books, those which crossed over with Batman and Superman being no exception. With that in mind, the selection of this particular title for inclusion on this list isn't entirely based upon nostalgia (though that's surely a part of the equation). In addition to possibly introducing me to the 22 page adventures of Bruce Wayne's caped alter ego, Batman/Aliens also introduced me to the art of horror comic legend Berni Wrightson. Of course at the time I didn't know that Wrightson was a big deal in the world of comic books, I just knew that he drew an awesome alien and that was enough for me. Aliens aside, this series introduces the reader to a likable, interesting cast of characters in no time flat and then instantly begins killing them off, giving Batman all the motivation he needs to do what he does best. Since he's not being pitted against an enemy whose actions and reasoning he can understand however, Bats is not only forced to be extra inventive with his means of dealing with his foes, but he's also depicted as a realistic human who fears for his own life, which is something that I don't think we see enough of in the average issue of Batman.


Batman: Snow
(originally published as Batman: Legends Of The Dark Knight #192-196)
As with 90% of the Batman comics I've read, I initially picked this one up for the artwork. Seth Fisher (who unfortunately died a few years ago just as he was making a name for himself in the industry with this series and Fantastic Four/Iron Man: Big In Japan for Marvel) brings a level of detail and technical knowledge to Snow that can only be described as some sort of amalgamation of the artistic stylings of Frank Quitely, Geoff Darrow, and Frank Lloyd Wright. Story-wise, Snow purports to re-tell the origin story of Batman's enemy Mr. Freeze, focusing more on his plights and those of a cast of well developed supporting characters rather than Batman himself. Considering that, as stated above, I'm not really an admirer of the character of Batman, it's no surprise that I'm much more interested to spend time with the fascinating characters surrounding the caped crusader than to read yet another series of deep and depressing musings of the Dark Knight's inner monologue. Combine Fisher's beautiful artwork with the story of a rag-tag gang of amateur detectives enrolled by Batman in his personal war on crime, and toss in a gun that shoots ice beams, and you've got a Batman comic that this non-fan can actually enjoy.


Batman Chronicles: The Gauntlet
This book is honestly more about Robin than Batman, but Bats plays an integral part, so I'll let it slide. The basic premise here is that, having trained Robin to the best of his abilities, Batman has one final test to judge whether his ward is ready to join the fight for justice in Gotham full-time. Batman has Alfred drop Robin off at an undisclosed location in the city and gives him a bit of a head start, and if he can evade Bats for the entire night and make it until dawn without being tracked down by his master, he'll have proven himself worthy of the title of "Robin". Of course things don't go as planned, and while Robin technically fails his test, he nabs some bad guys in the process, making for an acceptably happy ending. Yet again, I first gave this book a second glance for it's wonderful artwork (in this case by Lee Weeks), but what really drew me in was the quaint coming of age story of Robin on his first real crime-fighting mission. There are no superpowers to be found in this prestige format one-shot as Robin goes toe to toe with some trigger happy mobsters, which is always a welcome deviation from the "mortal versus super-freak" genre that Batman books usually find themselves filed under.


Batman Annual #14
Like The Gauntlet, Batman Annual #14 isn't technically about Batman, but rather one of his supporting characters. In this case the story focuses on Two-Face and takes a stab at re-telling his origin. What I like about stories like Batman: Snow and this one is that while I know the origins behind most of Batman's foes, an involved re-telling of their first brushes with crime can often lend more character to these tired archetypes. In this over-sized issue we see Harvey Dent go on a quest for revenge upon those responsible for ruining his life (and his complexion) rather than just going stark raving mad and deciding to become an eccentric crime boss. The story is very personal, takes place on a small scale, and provides Batman with an opportunity to flex his much-lauded detective skills, rather than just be the tireless, musclebound savior of Gotham City. Of course another reason that I like this particular issue, and the initial inspiration behind my tracking it down and picking it up, is the artwork by Chris Sprouse circa 1990.

Much of the research for this post was done at The Comic Book Database.

40 Years of James Bond: A Big F***ing Review

The following text remains unchanged from when I originally posted it on my MySpace blog on September 15th, 2006.

Over the past month I've spent my nights doing something particularly time-consuming. While the rest of the world slept, masturbated to internet pornography, and played endless hours of Guitar Hero, I occupied my time watching every single James Bond movie in chronological order for 21 near-consecutive nights. These are my findings:

SPOILER WARNING!!!

Title: Dr. No
Year of Release: 1962
Bond: Sean Connery
My Synopsis/Critique: Dr. No, a maniacal Asian scientist with incredibly strong, but rather clumsy metal hands (the result of a failed experiment), plans to use radiation to botch an American space launch. Going into this movie, I’d only seen the more recent 007 films (i.e. the Dalton and Brosnan flicks). Thus, I found a few things odd about Dr. No (the movie, not the character). First, Q is nowhere to be found. Q, of course, being the scientist that gives Bond all of his neat gadgets. Along with Q, any and all gadgets are missing from this first film. Bond himself is a bit different in Dr. No, as is his relationship with M. Before Bond goes off on his mission, M has to take away his Beretta and force him to take a Walther PP7 instead. All the following films exclude Bond’s unwillingness to use the standard MI6 weapon. As opposed to later films where M trusts Bond completely, in this movie he regards him more like a child. Quarrel is a good character, and it’s sad when he dies at the hands of a ridiculous flame-throwing tank that’s painted to look like a dragon. This film includes the first mention of Spectre, which is an organization comprised of evil geniuses lead by Number 1 (who is the basis for the character of Doctor Evil in the Austin Powers series right down to the bald head, the scar across the eye, and the constant stroking of a white cat). Aside from a few small snags, Dr. No does a good job of setting the bar high for perhaps the biggest film franchise in history.

Title: From Russia With Love
Year of Release: 1963
Bond: Sean Connery
My Synopsis/Critique: James Bond heads to Russia to get his hands on a stolen Lektor coding machine. As it turns out, Spectre just wants to get revenge on 007 for killing Dr. No in the previous film. Enter: Donovan ‘Red’ Grant, who is a large blonde Russian who has been trained to hunt and kill James Bond. For being a bit of a slow movie, From Russia With Love is one of my favorites. This movie is the first time we see Number 1, and also the first appearance of Q and his gadgets. Speaking of which, the weapons and tools Bond is fitted with by MI6 in this movie are my favorite of the series. They’re practical, ingenuitive, and best of all, believable. No rings that emit sonic bursts to shatter glass here. We’ve got a sniper rifle that can be dismantled to about the size of a shoe, a suitcase with a tear gas bomb that goes off if it’s tampered with and a hideaway knife, etc. The best part of the movie is definitely the fight scene with Grant in a room on the Orient Express. Bond’s survival skills are really put to the test in one of the best close quarter combat scenes I’ve ever seen on film.

Title: Goldfinger
Year of Release: 1964
Bond: Sean Connery
My Synopsis/Critique: Gold-obsessed smuggler Auric Goldfinger plans to detonate a nuclear bomb inside Fort Knox so that, rather than stealing the gold within, it will become radioactive and thus untouchable for 57 years time, during which the worth of his personal stash of gold will greatly multiply in value. Great plot. I’ll give Goldfinger that much. My problems with this movie begin and end with Bond himself. Simply put, he is in captivity by the enemy in this movie more than he’s not. 007 gets captured early on in the movie, then escapes and is captured again, then escapes and is captured again, and on and on. Also, if it were left up to Bond, Goldfinger would have gotten away with his scheme. His attempts to warn his colleagues of Goldfinger’s evil plot are constantly thwarted, and it’s only thanks to Pussy Galore, henchwoman working for Goldfinger, that the army even knows where and when to intervene. Then on top of all that, the nuke would have gone off right in 007’s face if an American scientist hadn’t arrived on site just in time to diffuse the bomb. All Bond really did in Goldfinger was beat the title character in a game of golf by cheating, and trick Oddjob into electrocuting himself. After seeing the Hank Scorpio episode of The Simpsons where they parody the “laser slowly moving towards the genitals” scene in this movie, I was led to believe that Bond would somehow miraculously escape from said situation, but even that didn’t happen. He just talked his way out of it. One final thing that bugged me about this movie is that there’s no mention of Spectre whatsoever. Many of the later movies have nothing to do with the evil organization, but that’s because by then it’s been put out of commission, but at this point they were still running rampant. Just not in this movie.

Title: Thunderball
Year of Release: 1965
Bond: Sean Connery
My Synopsis/Critique: Spectre hijacks a Vulcan Bomber equipped with two atomic bombs and holds NATO to ransom for the sum of $100,000,000. MI6 combats this evil plot by sending all 9 of its double “o” agents out to find and recover the explosives. The ante is definitely upped in Thunderball. This marks the first time we see any of the other double o’s. The pre-opening credit sequence scene involves James Bond flying around with a jet pack. Despite the fact that we’re talking about a movie with secret agents and evil organizations who want to rule the world, the jet pack seemed really far-fetched. Then we’re treated to a little scene in a health spa during which 007 is almost taken out by a guy who turns the level up too high while he’s on “the rack” (a device used to stretch the spine). You’d better believe Bond gets back at him, though. He locks the guy in his steamer and turns it all the way up. I didn’t realize secret agents were prone to childish pranks. Anyways, Thunderball is the first of many Bond films to pit 007 against sharks. The climactic underwater battle between good scuba divers and evil scuba divers was pretty good. Underwater battle is always slow-moving, but the sheer number of people being harpooned and having their oxygen lines cut made for an entertaining scene.

Title: You Only Live Twice
Year of Release: 1967
Bond: Sean Connery
My Synopsis/Critique: James Bond turns Japanese. Yup, I said it. 007 trains at a ninja school, marries a Japanese woman, and wears prosthetic eyelids that make him look squinty-eyed. Why does he do this? Ernst Stavro Blofeld (Number 1) has masterminded a plan to steal an American spaceship and then a Russian spaceship in an attempt to convince these two countries that each other is responsible for their missing shuttles with hopes of causing World War III. The secret base from which he runs this little operation is housed inside a volcano in Japan. Hence the racial switch. This film features Q’s first trip to deliver gadgets to 007, himself. What he delivers is a miniature helicopter called “Little Nellie’. In my opinion, one of the dumber gadgets to come out of Q Branch. The end of this movie is an all out war inside the volcano base. The Japanese army and the Japanese Secret Service Ninja Force versus hordes of jumpsuit-clad henchman. This is obviously the most copied/parodied film of the series. Overall it wasn’t bad. What was bad were the outer space scenes wherein one space shuttle would open up and engulf another before zipping off to deliver the stolen capsule to Blofeld. Try as they may have, those scenes were waaaaaay too fake looking to be taken seriously. Prior to filming, Sean Connery decided that he wanted to do more with his career than drink vodka martinis and have sex with beautiful women, so he informed the producers that this would be his last Bond film. This would account for why You Only Live Twice feels like an “ending” to the franchise.

Title: On Her Majesty’s Secret Service
Year of Release: 1969
Bond: George Lazenby
My Synopsis/Critique: Why did everyone hate George Lazenby as James Bond? Sure, he was an Australian model who’d never acted before, but I don’t see why people think he did such a bad job. Yet, somehow On Her Majesty’s Secret Service had the worst US box office gross of all the Bond movies, and everyone blames it on Lazenby. Blofeld is back, and this time he’s trying infest mankind with a virus that will be spread by a menagerie of beautiful women who he’s hypnotized into becoming his unknowing slaves. Bond pretends to be a genealogist to get closer to Blofeld, who has an odd obsession with being recognized as an important member of his family tree. Awesome car and ski chases ensue as Bond teams up with a girl named Tracy, whose father has it in his head that 007 should marry her because he saved her from committing suicide. Of all the action sequences, though, my favorite comes in the form of a battle on bobsleds during the film’s climax. It’s impossible that this fight scene could ever really take place, but watching Bond battle his archenemy on two speeding bobsleds was incredible. Even more incredible is the fact that Blofeld survives crashing into, and thus being suspended by his neck from, a v-shaped tree branch hanging above the bobsled course while going full speed down the incline. Overall I liked On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, but I’m quite opposed to the ending. James Bond gets married (for real this time, not because he has to for the mission like in You Only Live Twice) to Tracy who, as they leave the wedding in their car, is assassinated by Blofeld. The movie ends with Bond cradling her dead body in the car as it sits on the side of the road. Apparently in the original take of this scene Lazenby actually cries, but the director replaced it with a shot of Bond just looking sad because he didn’t think it was characteristic of him to weep like a baby. I don’t really think it matters much, because the ending sucks anyway.

Title: Diamonds Are Forever
Year of Release: 1971
Bond: Sean Connery
My Synopsis/Critique: Money talks. After Lazenby’s “failure” to uphold the mantle of James Bond set by Connery, the original 007 was coaxed into playing the role once more by being offered a large sum of money by producers who were panicking that their cash cow of a film series was losing steam. What they ended up with (in my opinion) is a movie much worse than the one they were trying to recover from. Ernst Blofeld returns once more after having undergone plastic surgery to hide from a vengeful James Bond. His plan? To smuggle a bunch of diamonds in order to build with them a satellite that will use the combined power of their prisms to channel sunlight in the form of an incredibly powerful laser beam with which to blast world powers into oblivion. In my opinion, the plot of this movie was very weak, as was the main Bond girl, who bumbles around messing things up the whole time. Blofeld is finally killed at the end of Diamonds Are Forever, ending his tyranny of being played by three different actors in as many consecutive movies. For me, the highlight of this movie came in the form of a car chase between 007 and the Las Vegas Police Department. The scene in question (much like the rest of the movie) was overly cute and funny, but there were some really cool car maneuvers such as Bond driving through an alleyway much too narrow for his car by getting it up on two wheels (on the same side of the car).

Title: Live And Let Die
Year of Release: 1973
Bond: Roger Moore
My Synopsis/Critique: Mr. Big (the series’ first, and to this point only, black villain) plans to become to sole supplier of heroin in all of America by getting all of Harlem to kill anyone who tries to stop him. I didn’t like this movie for several reasons. One reason is that it felt more like a blaxpoloitation film than a spy movie. It really felt like the black community at large was evil in Live And Let Die, which really put me off. For the majority of the movie James Bond was essentially the only white guy around, and everyone else was trying to kill him. Another reason I wasn’t a big of this film was that Mr. Big felt like an unworthy adversary for Bond. He relied on his “loyal” psychic and her tarot cards to ensure him that things were going as planned at all times. When she is seduced by 007 and is no longer reliable in her predictions, he turns into a wuss. Perhaps worst of all was the final confrontation between Big and Bond. Q Branch has equipped James with bullets that release compressed air when fired so that when he jams one in Mr. Big’s mouth and punches him it inflates his body, sending him soaring up to the ceiling where he pops like a balloon. Oh, and lets not forget the comic relief in Live And Let Die, supplied by an over-the-top bayou sheriff who is foiled in all of his attempts to apprehend 007, not knowing that he’s a secret agent.

Title: Man With The Golden Gun
Year of Release: 1974
Bond: Roger Moore
My Synopsis/Critique: Francisco Scaramanga is a hitman who never misses. In fact, he’s so sure that he’ll never waste a round that his trademark are golden bullets which he can afford because he charges one million dollars a hit. A small price to pay for a guaranteed kill. However, bored with his “day job”, Scaramanga coaxes James Bond into a deadly game of cat and mouse by convincing him that someone has put a hit out on him just so he’ll have some decent competition for once. With no real international crisis to deal with, Man With The Golden Gun doesn’t quite stand up to many of the other 007 films. Okay, at the end we discover that Scaramanga has a giant laser on his island, but there’s never much threat of attack from it. Amping up the intensity of the final gun fight, Scaramanga employs the aid of his midget manservant, Nick Nack (as played by Herve Villechaiz of Fantasy Island fame), in operating the funhouse-style maze in the basement of his house where he and Bond are forced to stalk each other. Of course, Bond is the victor. It’s a good thing Scaramanga had a dead on, life size replica of 007 in his funhouse that he could practice on for the real deal to take the place of, getting the drop on his enemy. Oh yes, and how could I forget? The annoying bayou cop from the previous film returns. He just so happens to be vacationing in Hong Kong when Bond steals the car he’s test driving for a car chase.

Title: The Spy Who Loved Me
Year of Release: 1977
Bond: Roger Moore
My Synopsis/Critique: Remember the plot of You Only Live Twice? You know, the one where someone steals spaceships from America and Russia in an attempt to turn them against one another? Well, replace “spaceships” with “nuclear submarines” and you’ve got the plot of The Spy Who Loved Me. However, this time, instead of just hating peace, the villain wants to force everyone to join him in living in the underwater paradise he’s building where it’s safe from the third world war that he aims to create on the surface. While ridiculous, this movie does have some redeeming points. The foremost of which is the introduction of Jaws, the man with metal teeth and jaw muscles strong enough to bite through metal. Something I didn’t like about the movie, however, is the buddy cop feeling it gets from teaming Bond up with a sassy female Russian operative. It just doesn’t feel right for 007 to be working side by side with another agent. Regardless, this film pulls off some great fight scenes including the battle between Bond and Jaws in the ruins of an Egyptian temple and the all out war in the main villain’s barge at the movie’s climax.

Title: Moonraker
Year of Release: 1979
Bond: Roger Moore
My Synopsis/Critique: Millionaire Hugo Drax plans to murder the entire human race. All except for his hand-picked specimens that will be the parents of a new race of perfect humans, that is. Filling fifty satellites with a plant venom that is only deadly to humans, Drax expects to watch safely from his self-funded, undetectable space station as every last person on Earth kicks the bucket before reclaiming the world for himself and his small group of beauties. How does he expect to get away with this? Well, he’s hired Jaws for one. Speaking of the giant of a man from the previous film, Jaws is not done proper justice in Moonraker. He’s turned into a farce, and a mockery of himself. Falling in love with a nerdy girl from Venice, Jaws develops a heart and eventually decides to help Bond stop Drax’s evil plans and die with honor (and his new love) aboard the self-destructing space station. The question I have is, if this movie was released a year after the original Star Wars, how could the outer space and laser pistol effects be so bad? There is nothing realistic about either, but at least we know that James Bond is good at first person shooters as the end of the film has him blasting poisonous satellites out of the sky with a joystick while rocketing through Earth’s atmosphere.

Title: For Your Eyes Only
Year of Release: 1981
Bond: Roger Moore
My Synopsis/Critique: A British spy ship equipped with a hi-tech encryption device called an ATAC is sunk off the coast of a Warsaw Pact county and the race begins between the British and the Russians to recover it. There’s no megalomaniac to be found in For Your Eyes Only. Just some criminals trying to get their hands on the ATAC. Of course there must be some action, so the criminals in question either like to chase secret agents on skis and snowmobiles, in cars on windy mountain roads, across skating rinks dressed as hockey players, or up and down treacherous cliff faces in Greece. There’s little feeling of threat in this film, and it relies on its nutty action scenes to keep the viewer interested. The main female love interest is annoying at best as she continually either gets in 007’s way or refuses to listen to him when he tells her not to go around shooting people in the back with crossbows. I personally feel that Roger Moore is much better at the debonair side of the James Bond role than he is at the action side, and unfortunately for him, this movie has much more of the latter than the former.

Title: Octopussy
Year of Release: 1983
Bond: Roger Moore
My Synopsis/Critique: It all begins with a dead clown holding a Ferberge Egg. But we’ll get back to that in a moment. A psychopathic Soviet general named Orlov is concerned that America is a threat to the Russian military, but is unable to get anyone to agree with him. So, what does he do? He devises a plan to load a nuclear warhead into the cannon used to shoot a performer out of at the circus that will soon be held at an American air force base in order to detonate it and cripple U.S. defenses. It’s a good thing he is affiliated with Kamal Khan, though, otherwise James Bond would never have been able to track them down by following the trail of the Faberge-obsessed Khan’s fake egg after he switches it with the real one at an auction. Khan eventually gets the drop on Bond, but luckily he’s in cahoots with a beautiful woman called Octopussy for 007 to seduce and turn to his side. What this all leads to is a scene in which James Bond must dress up as a clown to infiltrate the circus at the air base in an attempt to stop the bomb from detonating, which he does just in time. So the day is saved, but we still get to enjoy a scene in which Octopussy’s circus-trained beauties have to use their carny skills to invade Khan’s palace with the help of Bond and Q, who arrive in a hot air balloon. Sounds logical to me.

Title: Never Say Never Again
Year of Release: 1983
Bond: Sean Connery
My Synopsis/Critique: Never Say Never Again is an enigma to me. Come along as I explain to you the oddest James Bond film ever made. First off, it came out the same year as Octopussy. Second, it stars Sean Connery as Bond twelve years after he stated for the second time that he wouldn’t be coming back to play the character. Third, MI6 has changed considerably. Anyone who reads comic books is no doubt familiar with the term “Elseworlds”. Elseworlds are stories about characters we all know and love that take place out of context of their normal everyday goings on. For example, Batman is a playboy millionaire who lives in Gotham City and dresses up as a bat to fight crime. However, in an Elseworlds title, he could be fighting dinosaurs as a caveman just because the writer of the book thought it’d be neat to see it happen. This doesn’t have to work into his normal continuity because it’s an Elseworlds book. Never Say Never Again feels like and Elseworlds James Bond tale. The M we’ve known in the films up to this point has left MI6, and a new, younger M has taken over. The new M is a prick who thinks that secret agents and wacky gadgets are a thing of the past, so he has all but disbanded the double “o” program. He sends an ageing Bond to a wellness center to get back in shape, during which time a nut job decides to steal two nuclear missiles, forcing M to thrust 007 back into the field. He doesn’t get much help from Q as Q Branch has basically been shut down. Also, Desmond Lewellyn doesn’t play Q. It’s some younger guy. Anyway, Bond is able to stop the attack, and the movie ends, but not before Sean Connery turns and winks to the camera. Ugh. In addition, we’re not treated to the normal “gun barrel” view at the beginning of the movie where bond shoots at the camera, and there’s no opening montage of silhouetted hotties floating around while the theme song plays. In addition to all that, 007’s best friend, Felix Leiter, who has been played by many actors over the course of the series, suddenly becomes African American for this one. Finally, playing Bond’s bumbling informant is Mr. Bean himself, Rowan Atkinson. Would someone please explain to me who the fuck is responsible for this movie and why anyone thought it was a good idea?

Title: A View To A Kill
Year of Release: 1985
Bond: Roger Moore
My Synopsis/Critique: Christopher Walken plays crazed industrialist Max Zorin, who plans to create a worldwide microchip monopoly by flooding, and thereby destroying, Silicon Valley in California where 90% of the Silicon used to make microchips originates. Luckily James Bond is able to figure all this out by investigating a horse racing scam involving steroids that are injected into the horses by devices hidden in the jockey’s whip handle. Of course, being the cultured fellow he is Zorin is involved with this little horse scheme on the side. Walken does a great job of pulling off the maniacal rich guy façade and seems to actually pose a threat to the aging Roger Moore. Speaking of which, A View To A Kill could have really used a younger 007. Moore was well past his prime by the time this movie was made. Regardless, the climactic battle, while ridiculous, really tied this movie together. Nothing beats Christopher Walken wielding an axe and trying to kill James Bond atop the Golden Gate bridge after his private blimp was crashed there by Bond. Also of note about this movie is that it includes the most hideous woman Bond has had sex with to date, being Zorin’s eraser-headed female assassin, May Day.

Title: The Living Daylights
Year of Release: 1987
Bond: Timothy Dalton
My Synopsis/Critique: Even while watching him portray James Bond, I can’t help but see Timothy Dalton as a villain. However, somehow he did an incredibly good job as 007. The Living Daylights was a much more violent and serious take on the super spy business than any of the previous films, which was a great move on the part of the filmmakers considering how ridiculous some of their more recent efforts had been. James Bond aids a defecting Societ general by the name of Georgi Koskov in escaping from his homeland before discovering that he was actually just pulling an elaborate ruse to be recaptured by his own government to put him in the clear long enough to become rich by smuggling some drugs out of Afghanistan. 007 enlists the aid of Koskov’s girlfriend to track him down, pretending to be friends with Georgi to ease her suspicions. There are some spectacular action scenes in this film including the botched training mission that starts the movie off and the chase scene in Czechoslovakia during which Bond and Koskov’s girlfriend sled down a hill on her cello case while being pursued by assassins on skis. The only real downfall to The Living Daylights is that it’s the first film (that actually fits into the series’ continuity) that doesn’t feature the original M and Moneypenny.

Title: Licence To Kill
Year of Release: 1989
Bond: Timothy Dalton
My Synopsis/Critique: James Bond is on his way to the wedding of his best friend, American CIA agent Felix Leiter, when Leiter is summoned to take down the biggest drug lord in America, Franz Sanchez. 007 tags along as they capture Franz in mid-air-getaway, and then he and Leiter proceed to parachute to the wedding. After bribing another CIA agent 2 million dollars to help him escape, Franz proceeds to murder Felix’s wife and torture Felix to near death, feeding one of his legs to a shark. When Bond discovers this, he wants revenge, but MI6 forbids him to involve himself in the matter, as it’s not their problem. The only way to stop the maniacal Franz Sanchez is to quit her majesty’s secret service and go rogue, which is exactly what he does. Keeping up the realism and intensity of Dalton’s first Bond film, Licence To Kill delivers a great super spy experience. Q even comes along for the ride, acting in the field to help 007 stop Franz, who has hatched a scheme to smuggle drugs by diluting them in gasoline and extracting them later. The film’s climax is among the best of the series as Bond embarks on a high speed chase after four tanker trucks full of drugged fuel down the side of a mountain. On a side note, Benicio Del Toro does a fairly poor job of portraying one of Sanchez’s knife-wielding goons.

Title: Goldeneye
Year of Release: 1995
Bond: Pierce Brosnan
My Synopsis/Critique: Does Goldeneye really need an explanation? This is the Bond film that captured a whole new generation, due in part to the video game based on it for the N64. Believing that Bond is responsible for his near-death at the hands of Russian general, Arkady Grigorovich Ourumov, former 006 Alec Trevelyan turns sides and joins up with Ourumov. Together they proceed to destroy one of two satellite-based lasers called Goldeneyes, leaving them in possession of the remaining laser, capable of devastation on a massive scale. While I personally prefer Timothy Dalton’s performance as 007, Pierce Brosnan does a good job of maintaining the more serious, realistic representation of Bond that Dalton created. Not only do we get a new Bond with this film, but also a new M played by Judy Dench. The writers made a brilliant transition from the old M to the new one by adding a new level of reality to her relationship with Bond. Joining up with one of the two surviving members of the team who ran the destroyed Goldeneye, 007 sets out to find the second laser and put it out of commission. Exceptional use is made of Q Branch with the grenade pen that comes into play late in the film thanks to the other survivor of the original Goldeneye, who is working for Trevelyan. Some great action scenes lie within this movie including the scene in which Bond steals a Tank and proceeds to chase Ourumov through the streets of Russia. Also worthy of note are the fight with Ourumov’s sexually crazed sidekick, Natalia, and the final battle between 006 and 007, suspended high above the ground on the huge satellite dish used to control the remaining Goldeneye laser.

Title: Tomorrow Never Dies
Year of Release: 1997
Bond: Pierce Brosnan
My Synopsis/Critique: Sadly, Pierce Brosnan’s second outing as the over-sexed agent of MI6 loses points in my book for going back to the Roger Moore era’s trend of employing villains that are more goofy than believable. Enter: Elliot Carver, a media baron with dreams of one day owning and operating the most influential news channel in the world. So influential, in fact, that he plans to use his shows to control the way the world works. When a British battleship disappears just outside Asian waters, James Bond is sent to investigate what is actually Carver’s first attempt at creating news with the intent to use it to provoke world events. Ideally, a war between Britain and China. Bond allies himself with Wai Lin, a member of The People’s External Security Force of China, and the two of them soon discover that Carver has stolen a missile off the British ship which he plans to unleash on the Chinese. While the plot may have gone south with Tomorrow Never Dies, the action maintains the standard of quality set in the previous three films. Of note are scenes in which Wai Lin and 007 are attempting to escape Elliot Carver’s grasp while handcuffed together. The ending is a bit ridiculous, though, as Bond takes down an entire stealth ship single-handedly and kills Carver by sending a large industrial drill flying in his direction.

Title: The World Is Not Enough
Year of Release: 1999
Bond: Pierce Brosnan
My Synopsis/Critique: After successfully returning a large sum of money that was stolen from an oil tycoon, James Bond discovers that he’d played right into the thief’s plans when the money is used to blow up said oil tycoon, and a large portion of the MI6 building. The money in question had been meant to pay for the release of the tycoon’s kidnapped daughter, Elektra, who was able to escape before the payment was made. Her captor was a man named Viktor Zokas who, after being shot in the head, became impervious to physical pain. Stealing the components of a nuclear device, Zokas attempts to blow up the oil pipeline that Elektra inherited from her recently deceased father, but with the help of nuclear physicist Dr. Christmas Jones, Bond discovers that Elektra is in fact in cahoots with Zokas. Apparently they fell in love while she was in his captivity. This marks the first time in the series that the villain is a female. Why would Elektra want to blow up her own pipeline, though? Well, that’s simple. She wanted to get close enough to MI6 to kidnap M, who she blames for advising her father not to pay her ransom. Immediately after MI6 is attacked at the time of the oil tycoon’s death at the beginning of the film, one of the best scenes of the movie occurs as Bond chases a sniper through London with an experimental boat from Q Branch. While the set-up of a rivalry between Bond and a man who can’t feel pain sounds like the equation for a great fight scene, when the scene in question finally comes about, it’s fairly disappointing. Perhaps most disappointing of all, though, is the exit of Desmond Lewellyn as Q. While in the movie, his character makes it quite clear that he won’t be returning. He is replaced by famous funnyman John Cleese in the role of R, the bumbling fool now in charge of Q Branch…or is it R Branch now?

Title: Die Another Day
Year of Release: 2002
Bond: Pierce Brosnan
My Synopsis/Critique: Ah, last but not least. No, wait. Let me rephrase that. Ah, last and most definitely least, we have Die Another Day. Personally, I wanted to die several times while watching this movie. So, James Bond is attempting to stop a diamond smuggling ring in the demilitarized zone between North and South Korea when he is taken captive and MI6 disavows all knowledge of his existence. Six months, a whole lot of torturing, and a Madonna theme song later, and his captives decide to give him up. Well, actually they plan to kill him while pretending to give him up, but who’s counting? So after meeting up with Halle Berry’s character, Jinx, who’s another secret agent, they jet off to the unveiling of a new triumph of science at the hands of millionaire Gustov Graves, who just so happens to be the Korean guy from the beginning who Bond thought he killed right before he was captured. Of course, he’s undergone some reconstructive surgery to look like an American, and has apparently taken LOTS of English lessons. Anyway, Graves has created a new satellite that stores up solar energy and can then reflect it in all kinds of cool places to solve our energy problems. In all reality, though, he plans to use it as a weapon. Can anyone say Goldeneye or Diamonds Are Forever? So, the controls to this satellite are built into a big robotic suit thing that Gustov wears that can also channel electricity while in hand to hand combat. I think you can see where this is going. The hovercraft battle in the beginning is all right, but none of the other action really qualifies as a saving grace for this movie. In essence, it sucks.

WHEW! So, now that we got all that out of the way, here are some of my basic opinions about the series. In other words, this is where I make my enemies:

Best Bond: Sean Connery

Best Bond Girl: Kara Milovy (Maryam d’Abo) – The Living Daylights

Second Best Bond Girl: Tatyana Romanova (Daniela Bianchi) – From Russia With Love

Best Main Villain: Dr. No (Joseph Wiseman) – Dr. No

Second Best Main Villain: Franz Sanchez (Robert Davi) – Licence To Kill

Best Tough Guy Villain: Donovan ‘Red’ Grant (Robert Shaw) – From Russia With Love

Second Best Tough Guy Villain: Jaws (Richard Kiel) – The Spy Who Loved Me

Best Fight Scene: Bond versus Red Grant on the Orient Express – From Russia With Love

Second Best Fight Scene: Bond versus Ernst Stavro Blofeld on a bobsled course - On Her Majesty’s Secret Service

Best Bond Movie: From Russia With Love

Second Best Bond Movie: Licence To Kill

Worst Bond: Roger Moore

Worst Bond Girl: Jinx (Halle Berry) – Die Another Day

Second Worst Bond Girl: May Day (Grace Jones) – A View To A Kill

Worst Main Villain: Mr. Big (Yaphet Kotto) - Live And Let Die

Second Worst Main Villain: Gustav Graves (Toby Stephens) – Die Another Day

Worst Tough Guy Villain: Tee Hee (Julius W. Harris) – Live And Let Die

Second Worst Tough Guy Villain: Jaws (Richard Kiel) - Moonraker

Worst Fight Scene: Bond versus Mr. Big in the shark pool - Live And Let Die

Second Worst Fight Scene: Bond versus Gustav Graves on the plane - Die Another Day

Worst Bond Movie: Never Say Never Again

Second Worst Bond Movie: Die Another Day