How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love
The Joe Kubert School of Cartoon and Graphic Art
As my third and final year at the Kubert School drew to a close in 2006, our writing teacher Mike Kraiger asked each of his students to write two final papers for him. One of those papers is what I'm posting here: a list of advice for future students. To my knowledge Kraiger never actually showed these lists to any of his incoming students, which is probably a good thing. Mike had a good sense of humor though, so we were all encouraged to be completely honest with the assurance that none of the other teachers or staff at the school would ever see what we had written. As I was looking for some old Broken Legacy work on my ancient hand-me-down IBM Thinkpad, I came across this list and got a few good laughs out of some of the things which I had written and subsequently forgotten about over the course of the last three years. So here, edited only for grammar and punctuation, not content, is my list of advice for future students of the Joe Kubert School of Cartoon and Graphic Art.
Oh, and the second of those two papers Kraiger asked us to write? It was a person by person critique of each of our instructors at the school. I may post that one at a later date as well, but I fear that my commentary may have been a bit too biting in that paper. Anyway, here we go.
- To avoid unnecessary headaches (and poverty), use the school's copy machine only when absolutely necessary.
- Concerning copies to be made off the premises of the school: bite the bullet and drive the extra few minutes to Kinkos. Their employees are, as a whole, far less incompetent than those of any of their competitors.
- Time Saving Tip: Ink "spilled" on the back of an assignment (obscuring a given grade) will allow it to be turned in for more than one class.
- Time Saving Tip: Weed out the assignments that are less important and/or less interesting than others and employ the use of tech pens, RoseArt non-toxic watercolors ($0.94 at Wal-Mart), and a simpler, 'cartoony' style on them.
- Painful as it may be, make each teacher feel like you're holding their current assignment in the highest regard.
- For the sake of concentration, if you insist on having a television in your possession, DO NOT get cable.
- Likewise, the internet is not recommended.
- Also, it is unwise to keep a bookshelf of your favorite books and comics within arm's reach of your art desk, or even in your peripheral view.
- If you have no interest in pursuing a job as a computer colorist, don't feel the need to color every single assignment in Photoshop. There are much faster ways to color (i.e. the aforementioned RoseArt watercolors).
If you are living in the school-provided housing (or if you have roommates regardless):
- Keep a list of all of the DVDs, CDs, Comic Books, and other assorted valuables that you have in your possession to make it easier to keep track of what's gone missing.
- Shower at night as those few extra minutes of sleep will seem precious the next morning while everyone else is fighting for the bathroom.
- Do not leave your toothbrush and toothpaste in the bathroom, but instead keep it in your room. This way you can brush your teeth at the kitchen sink in the event that someone is holed up in the bathroom all morning.
- Make a habit of reusing the same cup, plate, etc. so that when someone starts bitching about somebody not washing their dishes you have an alibi.
- Become friends with the office ladies. It will pay off eventually.
- Pretend to laugh at Mike Chen's jokes. There's no way to really get on Debbie's good side (presuming that she has one), so Mike is the next best option.
- While in the classroom, employ the use of headphones and a discman or MP3 player to block out distracting conversations which will draw you in and go nowhere for extended periods of time (i.e. "Who would win..." and "Well, I think Spiderman 2 is better because...").
- For privacy while attending to 'business' at school, use the upstairs bathrooms.
- Don't get yourself too worked up over the DC and Marvel portfolio reviews. While everyone involved means well and it can be a worthwhile experience, the companies in question take these events much less seriously than the school does.
- Difficult as it may be, try to choose a desk in the classroom that is surrounded by classmates who bathe regularly. This will prove increasingly important as the summer months approach.
- What seems like a friendly argument of opinion can draw the line between enemies and give sarcastic classmates weeks, months, or even years worth of material to use against you. Avoid them as much as possible.
- Tempting as it may be, a trip to Taco Bell at lunch will almost always result in being late to your second class.
- To separate the men from the Dorians, if you must talk on your cell phone during class, leave the room first.
- Car pool.
- Get a digital camera and take reference photos. It's time to stop pretending.
- While the school is preparing you to be a professional, unless you're getting paid for your work, a missed deadline is worth a better final product and a more impressive portfolio.
- When showing your work to Irwin, make sure a sheet of tracing paper is strongly secured over your pages.
- Don't rush every single assignment. At any give time you should have at least one assignment that you are trying your absolute best on.
- Considering that the school is located in Dover, New Jersey, learning a little Spanish couldn't hurt.
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